The e-filmmaker Auras

It’s Friday once again! I am really looking forward to the weekend. It’s been a busy week and I am in need of some good rest. It’s been 116 days after my surgery.  You’d think my energy would be back to normal, but it isn’t quite there yet. My headaches are increasing, but it isn’t anything a good night sleep won’t fix.

Flashback – July 18, 2012

I can handle your average headache, but there are others a little too difficult to control, much less describe. Auras followed me everywhere I’d go. Little warning signs before a seizure are always good, but sometimes that good just doesn’t make you feel all right. This is the best description I had to offer in 2012 and its the best one I believe I can ever offer.

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Abrupt motion followed by static motion surrounds me. A blurred and distorted image, it’s something I cannot control. Focus on and off. Focus off and on. Eyes are not set on automatic, but manual. I’m like a amateur camera operator. Four years of technical film education appear to be useless, and I’m just left with the studies portion. It’s like a Dutch angle image with nonlinear cuts. Color correction has yet to take place. It’s a majestic yellow, warm, sunny day. Filtered with warm, opaque colors; it’s mosaic at best. Confusion sets in with a clarity indescribable. The most miniscule things come into deep focus. A small crack in the pavement and an almost invisible crease become magnified into too much perfection. With great insight, come powerful electrical waves. The heart begins to beat a little faster. The head seems to expand and cause pressure. The great image becomes more of an unpleasant view that hurts much like a paper cut. It’s invisible and small, but it causes more pain than you’d think possible. Confusion distorts image. A sense of clouded emotion takes form. In and out the image is displayed, until nothing is left. Yet the picture never faded, but was forgotten. Consciousness sets in, but what once was clear seems distant, just like faded memories that will soon be erased. Exhaustion takes its course. Eyes closed with no recollection of what really happened and what really didn’t. When I awaken, it will seem to be more like a dream or a nightmare, depending on how you decide to look at it.

It continues. The constant in and out trances. I try to force myself out of them, but they are too strong sometimes. I don’t think there is anything I can do about them. Fighting them I must. They will not overcome me. The journey will be long. Many times I know I will fail, but giving up I will not.

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